Brender

The title, if you missed it in the last post, refers to a notorious formula written by the prestigious Dr. Sasha Goldenburger (yes that is a real last name...) which states that:

if a + b = c
then c = a + b
therefore a + b = a + b
or a + b == b + a
let a = "brenna"
let b = "derek"
brenna + derek = brender
echo "brender"
brender

Speaking of burgers.


That would be an amazing burger place near us. I actually stole that picture from someone on the UB forum, but I'll be damned if I don't love Makers Mark whiskey as well. If you've never had it, you should, it's a hell of a lot better than Jack Daniels.

So yeah, I guess Kate posted about In-N-Out Burger before, but I'll re-iterate. They're menu (I'll get a pick some day when I'm there) consists of the following:

Burger
Cheeseburger
Fries
Drink

Which actually makes sense considering how clean they're trying to keep their food. You see, at first I didn't want to go there since I gave up fast food, but they are outside that category (kinda like Mighty Taco...but even more-so), they only use organic/local grown bread and veggies, and non-frozen/no-preservative local grown meat. How cool is that? And it's crazy cheap...like Mighty Taco.

So they slice the potatoes right in front of you in a peeler/slicer hand-cranked machine, but I wouldn't know because I've never seen them do it. Jerks. And all of their burgers have thousand island dressing on them...like a Big Mac...except better. Oh wait, I'm sorry...Big Mac's use "special sauce" what was I thinking.

But here's the even weirder part, I don't think Kate mentioned this- there's a non-printed sub-menu that you have to KNOW about, but does exsist. This menu as far as I know consists of the following extra items:
Grilled Cheese (burger without the burger, but with extra cheese instead)
Dirty Fries (fries loaded with burger and thousand island dressing and stuff)

Yes, Long Beach is brimming with awesome food joints. Although it's probably hard to believe, it's BETTER than Buffalo in the food dept. There's more places to eat, and they are much more quality (see: not as much grease). Super Mex would be one of those places, as would California Pizza Kitchen and Z Pizza (once again, they only use organic ingrediants and it's the same damn price as any other pizza).

Here's a spew of shit that I've been meaning to mention. You see, I have a secret order to the way I update my blog. It's not as secret as In-N-Out's sub-menu, but it's still pretty secret. UNTIL NOW.

When I have something to say, but it's not enough to justify a new post, I add it to my secret "Draft" post- that never gets published...it remains in "Draft" limbo. Then when the time is nigh, I release all those ideas in a crazy whirlwind of kerBLOGgery.

Santa Anna- Last week it was hotter than usual (according to the locals) sticking around 90 degrees. It was nice...it wasn't hot at all. It was very nice. Apparently the high temperatures were do to "Santa Anna" winds. I wonder if she's related to El Nino...or if there's anything around here that doesn't have a spanish name.

kerBLOG!!!

I miss having rainy days. My car is absolutely covered with sand from towing it through the desert when we moved. I refuse to pay money for a car wash when I know that rain will take care of it. Every day I consider going to a wash, but every day I hold out I know the chances of rain get better. Eli...do that funky rain dance! (Eeeeeeeeeliiiiiii's commin'!!!!.....awesome song by Three Dog Night). It's weird, it's been nothing but sunny every day we've been here minus 1 day it was partially cloudy. It blows my mind that this place has 340+ days of sun a year.

kerBLOG!!!

Helmans mayonaisse does not exsist over here. It is strictly an East coast product. I was not aware of this, nor do I trust "Best Mayonaisse" apparently the West coast equivalent. Mainly because ANY product that says it's the "Best!" is NEVER the best. EVER. I dare you to prove me wrong.

O.k. fine, I'll make the exception that Hormel's "Potted Meat Food Product" (I guess what's left over after they make Spam?), which claims to be "America's #1 Choice!" on the off-chance that Justin R. even reads my blog.

kerBLOG!!!

Long Beach has cockroaches. This is weird to me. When you grow up in the country-side you never ever see one. Syracuse nor Buffalo really had these either. Now Long Beach is a very clean city (now, I guess it wasn't 15 years ago) so they're not around because it's gross and dirty and crappy like NYC

ZING! take that Erik, Emily, Kai, and whoever the hell else is there reading this

but because it's warm here and they like the weather. They only come out at night though. This is because they like the dark. If you have an apartment infested with roaches you'll notice that when you turn on the lights when you walk in it looks like the walls are moving. Those are roaches running from the light. Also, you should get a new apartment, the one you have is gross.

So Sha (a.k.a. Dr. Sasha G. from above) was warning us about stepping on roaches on our way to bars at night, when I commented about stepping on really crunchy leaves one night. Low-and-behold these "leaves drifting across the sidewalk" are actually roaches. Personally I haven't identified, beyond reasonable doubt, that any of these leaves are actually roaches. So all of the above is still based on heresay. But I do know that the first roach I see, and is OBVIOUSLY a roach, will be scooped up and kept in a jar, and be named "Leaf" in honor of my sister's wishes.

kerBLOG!!!

There was a bomb threat called in on the street next to ours, at a bus stop, last week. That was weird. I guess there was a unmarked box just sitting there, looking all suspicious and such. So everyone that lived on that street was evacuated and moved to the sidewalks of our street. I was like, "AW HELL NO! One of you is a goddamn Bin Laden terrorist from the Al Quessidilla in Iran-Iraq-Afgahn-atanomo Bay!"

Actually I didn't give a flying fuck about the whole thing.

I still haven't gotten used to the helicopters that fly around everywhere either. I saw some in LA the other day, figured they were part of a movie or something stupid like that. Yeah ghettobirds! You make the big screen!

Alright, I'm actually going to put the rest of my material in a different post. I'm afraid that these posts get too long and people are intimidated by that. They decide, "Oh shit, I don't have time to read about Derek's stupid brain rot, but I would if he wrote less."

Anyone who reads this please comment. It's easy, you hit the comment button and just choose anonymous. Type a message on whether or not you care if my posts are too long, then type your name at the end. That's it, then hit the "Publish Post" button...and type in the stupid security thing or whatever is next.

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No song today suckaz.

"No song today suckaz." -Derek Heck