We are Electric Eel Shock. Who are you?

So the other day was crazy. CRAZY crazy. I'm trying to get some stuff done and we get a phone call. A CRAZY phone call. Brenna answered it and was just talking, as she usually does when she's on the phone, and then a little into the conversation she says, "Well this is a total surprise, we had no idea any of this was going on!" and turns to me and says, "We're getting sued by Bell Vista!" (our last landlord in Buffalo, the ones we just left)

So put yourself in my situation, jobless, stressed out, and trying to adjust to a new home. Getting sued is one of the last things you really wanna put up with.

So the whole situation started out real weird. Brenna started to get snappy with the guy on the phone, which I've learned doesn't get very far through past experience, so she handed it to me to take over. The key to being successful is really just kissing a whole lotta ass. It's cool though, I just go on the internet and flame people and try to be as abnoxious as I possibly can.

Heh, actually I hate those people...I don't do that at all. I just type long posts that no one reads. But yeah, kiss ass. Then when you need to vent it all out someday you can just go to Wal Mart, get yerself some shotguns and ammo, and just break loose.

Kidding. Jeeze, why you gotta take everything so serious.

I dunno, I guess I don't have a problem with kissing ass as long as the other person isn't a total asshole. I do prefer to ream people a new fucking hole when they deserve it though.

So I get on the phone with Bill. Bill is actually a pretty nice guy. He pleasantly explains to me that I have the opportunity to settle within 48 hours, and I'll only have to pay 85% of what I'm being sued for, or I have 30 days to decide if I want to go to court or not, but risk paying a lot more if I lose.

Worst multiple choice ever.

So before any more can be said I politely interject with, "I have no idea what is going on. Can you start at the beginning?"

Bill is quick, and before I can saw any more he makes points. He makes points quick, like it's his job (hah!...cause it is...), which are pretty much the following:

-You didn't pay last month's rent
-They tried to contact us multiple times via mail the last 3 months
-The landlord is acting through him, at Creative Solution's Collection Agency
-We can settle in 48 hours, blah blah, same stuff as above
-If I don't plan on settling he advices I get an attorney
-My credit will have a mark in it until there is a settlement, permanently if I loose the case
-I can call Bell Vista but the only comment they will make is on the validity of the collection agency
-Everything I say on the phone with Bill is recorded, collection agencies are heavily watched by the law, including the attorney general
-If Bell Vista gave him false information I am free to counter sue in excess of $5000

So yeah. You know. Not the best way to start the day. But after talking to him a lot (he was a REALLY nice guy) and asking tons of questions every time he stated new information it came down to the following:
Bell Vista had never tried to contact us, and that I would be more than willing to hire an attorney to counter sue because I know for a fact that they will NOT be able to produce first class mail reciepts with mine or Brenna's signature on them PROVING that they had given us previous warning (as required by law). Oh, I might add we were not even on a lease with them to begin with, it was terminated when they bought the property from our previous land lord ;)

The fact of the matter being though, I have no desire to fly back to Buffalo for a manditory testimony in court. As well as I have no desire to sue anybody because this is all clearly a mistake that should be easy to settle.

I explained to Bill that no one has gotten in touch with us, and that I apologize for all the confusion he must be going through.

Bill then explained to me that Bell Vista is a large company, and they would not be risking a counter-suit if they didn't think that we belonged on a lease with them. That when our previous lease was terminated, and we were presented a new lease, even though we didn't sign it and the wording appeared to us to not bind us to an agreement, in legal-ease terms it probably did bind us anyways.

So my next step was basically explaining that the only reason we never even paid a lost month's rent was because we weren't sure if they had our security deposit or not, and were trying to get in touch with them. Before we left Buffalo I had called and left voice mails to their office multiple times, and never recieved an answer. I figured if we owed them money they'd let us know, otherwise they could apply our security deposit (a full months rent) toward the last month that we didn't pay.

He said he wasn't aware that I tried to contact them, and that they had my security deposit, and that I should call them and see what I could find out, and that he'd call back.

So I call Bell Vista. They are very confused when my first question is to confirm the validity of the collection agency, but finally I'm put through to a woman who kinda knows what's going on. She rudely says, "We don't deal with clients, we don't have the time, that's why we hired an agency to deal with them. So please just talk to them."

Instead of flipping out...I wanted to so bad...I calmly explain to her that I think they have our security deposit and that's the only thing I need to verify. So she says they do, and asks what the whole situation is.

Oh? Now you care?

So I explain it to her and she says that more than likely they can make the exception of putting the security deposit towards what we owe them (what Brenna and I figured they'd do anyways). I guess state laws (in most states) prevent landlords from using security deposits for anything other than repairs, to protect the tenants. I was not aware of this, but it certainly cleared things up. (Bill told me about this later, cause Bill's the man.)

Bill called while I was on the phone with Bell Vista, so I had to call him back. I said, "Hey Bill, sorry to bother you but I got ahold of Bell Vista."

His response, "No problem man! I'm here to serve!" I could TASTE the wink.

So I explained to him that they had our security deposit...then he called them real quick, talked to some dude, and called me back.

So you know what ended up happening after an hour of craziness? We figured out that I had to pay them a full months rent, and they would send us a security deposit check. So...I have to pay them $625. Then they have to send me a check for $625. BUT that security deposit has gained interest since we gave it to them...so we're getting $625.40 back. We're making $0.40 off of all of this.

What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK.

So to do all this legally, Bill has to transfer our conversation to a machine that will record our agreement. So he tells me, "Hang on Derek, I'm going to put you through to the office below us, you'll hear a click, and then I'll be back on the phone." I was like...what? are you running downstairs...what is going on?

So I hear the click, and it's Bill again. Apparently there's a machine in the office below him that records us, he could of explained that...it would have seemed less weird.

So he goes, "This is Bill with Derek Heck, say hello please Derek." uh..."Hello."

After we finish the agreement, and he charges my account for the rent amount, and states that he agrees that they will be sending our security deposit within 30 days, he says they'll send a reciept and settlement papers saying that neither Bell Vista nor the collection company can ever file a suit against us again. FINALLY some good news.

Goddamn that was weird.

So later that day we met up with Mike, this dude that's helping me find work and stuff. He's a producer/editor that knows lots of executive producers and stuff (yesterday he let me use his equipment to cut my demo reel on). One thing I remember talking about with him was how horrible reality tv was. He was telling me how his friend is the executive producer for "Nany 911", and when the kids DON'T misbehave they feed thems tons of candy and sugar to rile them up. I didn't think it was possible to hate reality tv any more, until that point.

After that we drove over to Hollywood to see The Bloodhound Gang! WOO! It was pretty wild. Brenna and I sat on the sidewalk waiting for the doors to open...and it was a sidewalk with stars on it. It seemed....surreal. We were seeing Bloodhound Gang in Hollywood...how weird is that?

Bloodhound put on an incredible show, the did mostly really old songs, so I was lovin' it :)

The opening bands were cool too. The very first band to open was OPM. I didn't even recognize the name, but after a few songs I was telling Brenna how it seems like they might be able to make a record deal. Then they started playing the beginning to "Heaven is a Halfpipe" and I was like, HOLY SHIT! HOLY HOLY SHIT! IT'S THOSE GUYS! I REMEMBER THEM FROM 10 YEARS AGO!!!

So I called Eli and left a message on his answering maching telling him that OPM just played "Heaven is a Halfpipe" and Bloodhound was gonna be on later. It seemed appropriate.

After OPM was Program the Dead. Probably the worst band I've ever heard/seen in my life. I don't even want to talk about them. After them was Electric Eel Shock, they were fuckin awesome. It was Japenese metal band. The opened with "Iron Man" and in-between all of their songs they'd play parts of "Iron Man" it was hilarious. At the beginning, they pointed to the crowd and started screaming "BASTARD!" and then they'd point to someone else, "BASTARD!" and they kept saying it to everyone, then they just broke out into screaming BASTARD! and wailing on their guitars. It was hilarious. Then they'd say "Yeah Ros Angeres!" It was great. They also did shit like "We. Are. Erectric Eer Shock! Who are you!?!" and they'd keep saying that. Then the lead singer was like "Oh oh, I know. I know everyting. I am RRRRRock. God. We are Erectric Eer Shock! and you! you are Erectric Eer Shock!!!" and then they'd rock out again.

Alright, it's almost time to watch Lost. Here's some schtuff.

kerBLOG!!!

At night when the sun sets, every night, there are monks that walk on our beach. They wear bells that jingle, and they have shaved heads. They don't talk, because they can't. They just smile at you.

kerBLOG!!!

I just got my new business cards in the mail. I'm a tool! But hey, they were free at vistaprint.com

kerBLOG!!!

Every other night or so Brenna and I jog 5 blocks to the park and workout. It has pull-up bars and crunch benches and stuff. I don't intend to get "pumped up wit ahhhnald" (you know, my governor! haha...hahahaha...he's my governor), I just want to stay in good shape, not be winded next time I have to run to a mile marker when our truck blows a tire. Maybe get my six pack back. Then we jog the beach on our way home.

kerBLOG!!!

My desktop has both temperatures of Buffalo and Long Beach. So far Long Beach is always about 10 degrees hotter than Buffalo. It's very consistent.

kerBLOG!!!

The libraries here actually have funding, and books. Which is funny, because in Buffalo they were closing them to save money...That thought alone makes me feel like I'm crying after sex. It's just...a weird thought. Why would libraries EVER, EVER lose funding?

Alright, I'm out. Piece essay!


(normally I say "Piece" instead of "peace" and instead of "esse" as in spanish guy I'm saying "essay"...it's a phenetic masterpiece!"