Snakes, like all reptiles, are incapable of learning.

This is because they lack the enlarged Cerebral Hemisphere found in birds and mammals, the part of the brain that controls learning and thought.

The following is my attempt to create a super-genius snake minion, complete with genetically altered brain DNA which contains the building blocks for an enlarged cerebral hemisphere.



I present to you Exhibit A, "Snake Egg." (Complete with plastic force-shield)


"Do Not Swallow" this Growing Pet. I severely doubt the claims of my super-genius snake being "Amusing," "Funny," and/or "Novel." But hey, I'm not the super-genius snake here.


It appears the writer of these instructions was no super-genius snake either.
???"...fill with water till water level upper egg."???
???"...the egg shell will break...slowly then the pet hasten out of the shell."???
???"Please keep the full water into the container."???


In blatant disregard to the directions provided, I first filled the cup with water AND then proceeded to place the egg in the cup (as opposed to visa versa). Already I have begun to fuck up my super-genius snake egg hatchery.


Or perhaps I'm teaching it to swim while it is young.


OOOoooooooooh boy....uh...kick your legs! kick your legs and I promise you won't sink! What's that? There's water in your eyes? Blink! Blink! Blink! Blink! Blink!


'Stretches shirt collar'....EEEEEeeeeee...'walks the other way'


Hour 1: As you can see, an hour later and the snake egg is already forming air bubbles on the outer-side of it's shell. How FASCINATING! I haven't had this much fun since I watched paint dry!


Hour 2: I believe the bubble on the surface of the water was snakey's last breathe of air. Few people are aware that super-genius snakes require niether oxygen nor source of warmth.


Hour 3: A crack starts to form! 'Holds breathe in suspense'


Hour 4: 'Passed out from holding breathe'


Hour 5: 'Yawn' He sure is taking a while...


Hour 6: Boy howdy! There has been some real progress in...the...cracking...of...the shell...'cough'...note the perfect hexagonal crack pattern taking place at the mid-section of the shell, this is a DISTINCT indication of a super-genius snake egg.


Hour 7: As you can see, the super snake is carefully (i.e. Very Slowly) pecking away at his shell...one hexagon at a time...


Hour 8: 'Taps foot'....'looks at watch'


Hour 9: BY JOVE! I think I just saw some movement! FASCINATING!


Hour 9: The incubation was initiated at Moviola Labs Inc. I took it upon my awesomely-academic self to bring the egg home with me so that I could closely monitor the progress of our reptilian Poindexter.


Hour 10: No Jay, you may not feed it Pizza Hut.


Hour 11: Notice the legless super-genius has been working on the top section of the egg shell in a most precise fashion. Nature truly is amazing.


Hour 12: I think he took an hour break, a "ciesta" if you will. Hey man, super-genii need rest too!


Hour 13: Astounding! The snake just mumbled "Heads up! I'm comming out!" It can already talk!


Hour 14: In a violent explosion, he has released himself from the bonds of calcium and shackles of protein.


Hour 15: 'Clears throat'....I SAID, In a violent explosion, he has released himself from the bonds of calcium and shackles of protein!!!


Hour 16: IN A VIOLENT EXPLOSION, HE HAS RELEASED HIMSELF FROM THE BONDS OF CALCIUM AND SHACKLES OF PROTEIN.


Hour 17: Ok...clearly he is staying in his shell in display of an advanced form of self-defense.


Hour 22: Wakey wakey eggs n' bacy!!!


Hour 23: Huh...it appears he likes to sleep in.


Hour 24: Happy one day of exsistence!


Hour 25: Ugh...this is just getting BORING.


Hour 26: Perhaps if I provoke him with that pen...


Hour 27: Oh christ! He's pissed!!! (FYI: Don't mess with super-genius snakes)


Hour 28: He seems to have crafted some sort of shanty out of his shell.


Hour 29: Alas! He rears his ugly head of geniusness!


Hour 30: What's that lil' fella'? You're hungry? For what? BRAINS!?!


Hour 31: a90sdufj kasnvsa8df 98wy4Y (& YJBQEFY(gf


Hello. This is Nec-Tar, super-genius snake, speaking. I have eaten the brains of your colleague Der-Rek.
Before his death Der-Rek offered the brains of all known friends in exchange that he may keep his. Instead I've decided to eat his, and am now currently logging and tracking all IP Addresses visiting this site.

I am also currently debating the following riddle:
You approach two talking doors. One door leads to the City of Truth, while the other door leads to the City of Liars. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. The door that leads to the City of Liars always speaks lies, while the door that leads to the City of Truth always speaks the truth. You want to go to the City of Truth. What question do you ask to determine which door leads to the City of Truth.

I determined I would ask a door, "If I were to ask the other door which door leads to the city of truth, what would he say?" I would then pick the opposite door of what he told me.

I'm a freggin' super-genius.

Snake.