It was a dark and stormy night.

Every girlfriend I've had has quickly learned of my hatred toward cats. Every girlfriend I've had has at one point mentioned they saw a dead cat in the road and thought of me.
It's good to know some things never change.


Valerie and I decided to celebrate our 3-month anniversary at Knotts Berry Farms, a super SWEET amusement park native to southern California.


Brochures and websites promised me a never-ending supply of hugs from Snoopy. It's a not-so-well-known fact that I once had a whole bedroom dedicated to this K-9 cartoon, the red baron of dog-houses himself.
Watch out Snoopy (and little girls) here I come!


Valerie drove.


I took pictures of us, as well as relentlessly poked her arm out of boredom. I could tell it was going to be a good day.


When we got there we kayaked with Snoopy.


Then we went on roller coasters. Which you could see if Valerie's big head wasn't in the way.


This one in particular launches you at like...80 billion miles per hour at the beginning, and you rocket up a super-steep slope, but sometimes people don't make it over.
In the even that your car does not make it over, wait for assistance and do not attempt to exit the roller coaster.
Also, no fat people allowed.


Snoopy and I took on an entire German fleet of crop-dusters...


...and barn-stormers.


Valerie decided to stay behind and play with the meerkats.


Me and Snoopy defeated the Germans, then raped and pillaged their towns full of busty German women and precious German golds.
As the German's would say: Es war kickass.


When Snoopy and I finally made our way back to the amusement park we had to ask some fellow visitors if they had seen my fair-skinned redhead girlfriend.
We found her, in a state of complete misinterpretation, outside the Gun Shop.

I felt bad that I had spent the whole day with Snoopy instead of Valerie, so I promised her that we could do whatever she wanted for the rest of the day.


But then I got distracted by roosters.


Oh well.
I guess if you can't have the girl, you might as well settle for some cock.

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June 19, 1960 Snoopy starts sleeping on his doghouse.
July 12, 1965 Snoopy's first attempt at being an author the first line he wrote was: "It was a dark and stormy night."
January 01, 1966 Snoopy goes looking for the Red Baron
September 09, 1966 Snoopy's doghouse burns.
March 14, 1969 Snoopy becomes the first Beagle on the Moon