Mahal-a'!

It's strange to think that in the event of a complete nuclear attack on the United States, a couple of our states may still remain completely unaffected.
Behold. The power of Hawaii, Alaska and Puerto Rico.
Ok...Puerto Rico isn't exactly a recognized state, just owned property, but I'd like to think that if the entire continental U.S. was destroyed we may consider making it one.

It's also strange to think that "we the people" are in possession of the most isolated groupings of islands in the entire planet. So isolated in fact that "Lilo and Stitch" is still a box office hit there.

To me this raises the question: why don't countries still try to invade and conquer? We could easily spread our empire, thus making it harder for our enemies to attack us in one fell sweep. A kind of real life Risk TM game.
I guess if this was the case then Australia would be in trouble...everyone knows Australia is the key to winning Risk TM.

I digress...

So my latest job (as usual I can't mention what it is for) had me traveling to the semi-exotic island of Oahu.
If you were a real American you would know that it is one of the major islands that makes up the state of Hawaii, more specifically the one that houses the city of Honolulu.


We arrived to a welcoming committee of palm trees and tiki torches. As well as a stifling humidity.


As usual, after getting laid I proceeded to fall asleep.


In the morning I awoke to an overcast view of the city of Honolulu.

Um...not quite the prettiest city in the world...


To the left of the hotel was Diamond Head, on the other side of which is where "Lost" is shot.


To the right, the rest of Waikiki.


This is your standard "Honolulu at night."


And of course- what it would look like if you were completely tweaked on acid.


It only took two days to become completely annoyed by the phrase "Aloha" as well as the rampant fire dancers. Seriously, these people just come out of nowhere. If I ever visit again I'll be sure to pack a fire extinguisher.


After a couple days of wandering and relaxation, it was time to get to work. Which...photographically could easily mistaken for relaxation.


At one point our travels brought us to this watery location.


There was something about the place that was vaguely familiar...


...but I couldn't put my finger on it.


Then it dawned on me that the tell-tale tower (left) and battleships (right) were a pretty dead giveaway that I was currently sitting on the shores of Pearl Harbor.

It was a strange sensation going from a feeling of nonchalant to an immediate "HO SHIT!" purely based on the knowledge of where I was standing.
A quiet waterfront with a gentle trade wind had suddenly turned into the only American soil ever attacked by a foreign country* **.
Needless to say, the situation had suddenly become pretty intense. I don't believe pictures will ever convey the feelings you get when you personally view a place of massacre- putting this place on par with Hiroshima (in my travels).
Although in retrospect perhaps not by coincidence.

* Since the revolutionary war.
** Don't get me started on the World Trade Center (NY).


Anyways...back to work. (Yeah, looks rough huh?)


Troy searched far and wide for a good place to point the camera.


It turned out you could basically point it anywhere.


Nyuck nyuck.


One location we were at was this range. A 500 acre valley that was once purchased by a rancher for $5,000, which was later used for such films as "Jurassic Park" and "Pearl Harbor." Not a bad deal.


Go team Pink!


Did someone say Happy Hour!?


'wind'


In our latest line of Barbie dolls comes "Dumpster Diving Barbie" (not to be confused with "Trashed Barbie" whose skirt is always up).


I thought it looked pretty.


As dismal as Honolulu is, the other side of the island is pretty damn gorgeous.


Basically everything you'd expect when you think of "Hawaii."


This location in particular was for a luau of sorts. Attendance complete with the baby from "Lost" (who plays Claire's baby).


I'm an avid fan of docks.


If I could have this for a back yard...oh I'd be a happy feller.

Unfortunately I have to keep this adventure pretty censored because of the project it's related to.

I think the biggest lesson learned is that this island in general has been pretty fucking branded over the past 30 years. Although the island does have it's pretty spots, it's an obvious "I don't want to leave the luxuries of home" tourist getaway, with an overwhelming usage of the cultural words "Aloha" and "Mahalo" (either on the litter of billboards/signs across the city, or spewing from the mouths of the non-convincing natives). If you ever feel the urge to visit the Hawaiian island, I would strongly suggest you try the islands Maui or Hawaii.

With that said...I can see how the island used to be an exotic adventure fit for a (The) King*, especially when travel by air was still seen as new and luxurious. It's easy to imagine that the buildings were once break-through innovations flowing with the personality and personalties of the 1970's.

It's ashame the money being pumped into it hasn't been used for renovation.


*Elvis you dumb ass.

Side-note: After hearing the word "Mahalo" a ga-gillian times, Troy cleverly transformed it into a much more likable (albeit ghetto) and usable "Mahalaaaa!" using the following phonetic equation:

Hello!
Holler!
Holla!
Mahal-a!

EDIT: I also forgot to mention that the makeup lady we were working with asked me if I was interested in modeling in a Kirin commercial. Kirin is the Japanese equivalent to Coca Cola combined with Budweiser. I had to turn it down because I needed to work back in the States when they were shooting it...that would have been sweet though.