LAST CALL!

i'm packing up my computer, if you need to reach me, our phone is: 716-883-7622
the party is at 241 w utica st, buffalo ny 14222 tomorrow night!

next post: from cali!

Kodak Freggin' Moment

Prepare to be overwhelmed with the pictorious glory I call:

DEREK'S PICTURE STORY OF DOOOOOOOM!!!

Ok, now that we're finally back from our trip it's time for you to see what a 2 day drive across the country searching for a place to live in California looks like through the eyes of The Derek.
(click on the pictures to enlarge them)


First we drove onto the highway. Fortunetly we merged correctly, unlike some other poor cars...


This is my water bottle full of Code W, Danny Wegman's answer to Code Red.


Along the way I found this and many similar "Health Mart" personal product vending machines. Now you shall know why they call me "Tingler King."


Brenna's ballerina legs tend to hurt quite a bit after sitting too long. Thanks to her doctor's foresight, she was equipped with the proper meds to kill her pain...and possibly give her black, tarry stools and vomit material that looks like coffee grounds. (yes, it's actually listed half-way through the description) Note: These "roids" are the reason we drove across the country in 2 days due to the side effect that DID include "difficulty sleeping."


The rest of the night we rode off into the sunset...because we were driving west, and the sun sets in that direction...so ya' know...we were just following it as it set. It's difficult and mindblowing to see a 2 hour sunset. (This is also a pretty good example of what we saw the whole trip)


I woke up to Brenna driving past "Windmill Monsters!!!" (Don't worry, we didn't get attacked, we had ROID POWER!)


At around 2 p.m., after calling our parents (and Ron, for travel speed verification) at a rest stop in Texas, we continued to drive as per the usual. At some point we decided smoking weed would be a good idea, through obvious side-effects 10 minutes later we were convinced we needed to pull over and eat or we would die of starvation. Some call what was about to happen coincidence, others may call it an act of God, I call it an act of Zombie Jesus. Upon pulling over through pure "stoned" coincidence, I mean, Zombie Jesus, we stumbled into the best rest stop this nation possibly has to offer. I present to you:

!!!THE BEST REST STOP EVER!!!


At first we were amazed by the hanglider-esque picnic areas.


We were then amazed at the audaciously gaudy tributes to the state that has deemed itself "The Shit," motha-truckin'-Texas.



But those aren't even CLOSE to the best of it. Upon further inspection to the picnic area we discovered by FAR the BEST grills I have ever laid my eyes upon. Before you scroll down I want you to envision the best grill you have ever seen. Think about it for a moment, perhaps it's charcoal, perhaps propane? Just picture your grill, because in a moment you too will lay your eyes upon a grill like none other, and you will never be able to imagine your grill again. Your mind will be enveloped with images of the BEST GRILL EVER and after that you will never be the same. Consider yourself a BBQ Virgin, about to be Dinosaur BBQ raped.

Done picturing the best grill you have ever seen? Ok then. BEHOLD!
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!!!!!THE BEST GRILL EVER!!!!!!



It's ok if you just peed your pants, I just did too. I'd like to say more about it, but I feel no words can justify the exsistence of THE BEST GRILL ever.

After that we played with a telescope that looked over the vast desert of Texas, after all, this wouldn't be the BEST REST STOP ever without a telescope would it?

At first we just saw a bunch of this


But after a few minutes of looking around I compiled what I thought was a good representation of my experience


Way off to the left of that house (where the sun was setting)
was a lone windmill. Click on this link to see a movie of a very lonely windmill, windmilling away.

After realizing that there were tons of bugs on the wall with the huge star in it,


Brenna freaked out, and ran into the bathroom to go pee.


While she piddled I found proof of the biggotry we all knew Texas has

how are we supposed to procreate with thinking like this? Oh well, guess it's better off that anyone in Texas not do the nasty anyways...

After a while it got dark, and of course, huge red white and blue lights shined onto the star wall, here is my epic picture entitled, "Derek Conquered Texas." (tilt your head to the right to see it)


Here's some other random pictures


We then drove off into the sunset, ready to carpe a new diem.


I woke up to this.


Sat up and saw this.


And then wondered where the fuck I was when I saw this.


Welcome to Arizona/Nevada. Next gas station: 300 miles.


(the sun was rising behind us, good we're still going in the right direction)


As mentioned before, there aren't really any gas stations driving through Arizona/Nevada on Route 40 (yes that's what we drove the majority of the way. you may also know it by it's previous name, Route 66), so we just passed a lot of this:


It then dawned on my why there aren't many stops, because Arizona is full of...DINOSAURS!!!


Watch out car! Phew. You almost got eaten!


After almost getting eaten (Brenna fought off the dinosaurs with her "ROID POWER"), we finally made it out onto open road.


And saw the very first sign to indicate we were heading towards the ultimate goal.


That was the only exciting thing we saw for a while. There was just a ton more of:


And the occasional


Followed by more


With a little bit of


Until finally we got to


Which is also where the Pacific Coast and Mountain timezone cuts through the U.S., is it me or should those clocks be an hour different...oh well. Just blame the dinosaurs.


Welcome to, "what Derek saw while Brenna drove him over Hoover Dam."





Some people don't realize that while crossing the damn you have to run the "Never Ending Story" gauntlet.

But our hearts were pure, and Brenna was on the 'roids, so we passed through un-scaved.

I tried to pee on this but Brenna wouldn't let me.


Whoa dude! The mountain is over to the right!

He was probably drinking on the job.

This is what powers the Hoover Dam, it's called Lake Mead. It did not exsist until man decided to block the flow of the river and harness it's power, and sell it at high prices to other fellow mans.


We finally got to Long Beach, CA. This is where I would have inserted pictures of palm trees and oceans, and mexicans. For some reason I didn't take pictures of that stuff...I guess I was already taking it for granted. Rest assured, once we move there I will post tons of them :) In the mean time let me show you where I'm going to live. I deleted all the pictues of the shit hole apartments we saw before this one, so just pretend you just looked at a rat vomitting a coffee ground like substance onto his tarry black stools, and you can imagine how pretty this place looked to us.


A gay dude and his dude partner still live in the apartment, so you'll see pics of the inside after we move in. But here's a link for what it looks like from a satellite! (see where the beach is!?!?!)

After a long week of exploring Long Beach, Hermosa, Redondo, Hollywood, Universal City, and downtown Los Angeles, we finally departed back to Las Vegas where Brenna's car will reside until we drive back through with our moving van (her parents just moved to Las Vegas, so it's with them).

But not without seeing pirates first!


And volcanoes!



And Paris!...oh wait...fuck Paris. And the French.



We finally got back home yesterday, and Jon picked us up at the airport (after oh-so-generously Chester-sitting Chester for us).


And from home we drove straight to The Divine Machine (no link yet) to have Cory finish up my tattoo. This is what it was from last time:


And this is it now:



The whole tattoo will be black, all the redish/brown is just my back BRUISING.

Alright, now that's it's been 2 hours since I started this, it's time to go pack! Woo! I think the first episode of Lost season 2 is tonight too!