Sifl and Olly, ROCK!

!!!UPDATE!!!

BBQ! this will include mesquite chips, and not the kind you can eat. Click for details.

-----------------------
This weekend if the official "DEREK'S ANNUAL BBQ WEEKEND" (it's officially that because I don't remember the last time I didn't bbq on Memorial Day weekend).

I will update this later, but expect details on where, and frequent talk of mesquite bbq wood chips and a dinosaur bbq cookbook...KAI YOU BETTER BE READING THIS! AND YOU BETTER BE IN BUFFALO!

!!!HUMAN MEAT!!!

Paintball guns, Dirt bikes, Skateboards, and I forget what the other thing was...(edit: it was karate!)

(all of the things in the title are things OP and I need/want to do)

Hey folks. I knew this was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. I started reading everyones internet journal things and got all sappy and thought about the past. Then I sifted through my old websites/journals I made back in college.

I miss college. I miss moving to something new (hence wanting to move to California?). I miss the excitement...which seemed to make me a more energetic person. It seems that once I become complacent with my settings I tend to lost my..."spunk".

I definately miss being new to other people. It's a lot easier to talk and joke with people that are new. They always listen better, and laugh more since they don't know your same old jokes.

I miss my spikey hair. Black finger nails. Chains and baggy pants. I know I can bring it all back in a heartbeat, but what's it worth. In college it helped me meet the people that didn't care...now it's just a hassel to change out of my work clothes.

I wish I had more friends around...I miss just hanging out with people. Playing random video games in Steve's dorm room, then Erik showing up and us wandering around taking pictures and breaking things. I wish my friends were as consistant as they used to be. Now it's a rare occasion to spend time with friends...

Brenna, Carrie, Ron and I went to Carraba's the other night for dinner. Brenna and I planned on going solo but then stopped by Flint during our 50 minute wait for a table to visit Ron and Carrie. Surprisingly they came with us...it was fun to just sit and talk with them. I miss just sitting around and talking with people. It seems that the only solid way to do that with friends is to hang out with them a lot. If it's only on occasion then you try to find things to do, and talking can get strained. Yet if you hang out all the time conversation seems to just roll, and inside jokes are abound.

Maybe when Brenna and I move to our new apartment we can convince people to hang out there more. It'd be cool if we could get people to think of it as a place to go when they were just bored. I speaking for myself on this one, but when I get bored I tend to turn towards the internet and video games. Is it hypocritical to think people should do different just to come entertain me?

It's weird...I secretly hope all my friends in Buffalo read this and somehow everyone just follows it. There's no reason that now that college is over and we all live in seperate homes that we should only hang out for bowling or poker nights. What ever happened to downloading some random-ass pirated movie and cramming a jillion people into a tiny living room to watch it.

Brenna mentioned she was kinda happy to stay in Buffalo on her site. I think I agree with her. I mean...I do want to leave this unforsaken hell-hole soon...but just when winter hits ;) I guess the stockholme syndrome spreads easily...

Honestly though, if all goes as planned Ron and Carrie would be living above us. Eli might stay around (we always have good times in the summer). Steve, Tristan, Zach, Brandon, and Chris would be close-by in Fredonia. Franco would be around occasionally. Troma would be shooting "Poultrygeist: Attack of the Zombie Chickens" (which I sent my resume to in hopes to help out, for free of course). Then at the end of summer Kate and Marnie would be in back in Buffalo...and a new season of Lost, and Family Guy would be comming up soon.

It's weird...I felt like I had more to say...but I'm drawing a blank now. I guess that works out though because I have to go call my dad. He just got the shaft again with his job...the same shaft he got in Syracuse and moved to Charlotte to get away from...so now him and my mom are thinking about just calling it quits and going back to Nelson, NY. In the mean time him and quite a few of his co-workers have hired "head hunters"- people that you pay to find a job for you.

A job to find a job for someone else that needs one....sounds like some crazy palindrome.

Anyways, considering the fact that we still plan on moving to Cali., it would be nice to have a head hunter working for me.

And someone to help me find a job.

Get it? It was a joke...

Oh shit! I just remembered what I was thinking of that I couldn't remember!

Last night I was grabbing Apocalyptica (4 guys on cello's that cover Metallica songs...it's amazing stuff) mp3's off my old mp3 cd's and I found a whole slew of singles I downloaded with Napster in the later 90's. I was playing them all for Brenna...and it was crazy. Oh my god...if you want to come over and rock out with me feel free. We will rock hard.

It was funny because most of them were songs Eli and I would rock out to in my first car ever...THE BUICK! (Buick Century T-Type) to songs like...Stroke 9's "Little Black Backpack" and Gauno Apes "Lords of the Boards."

Then that made me think of Reel Big Fish at Kevin's and Bloodhound Gang in Eli's shed...oh man I'm gonna stop. This is making me feel way to sappy right now...here's a list of the songs I found last night, I suggest getting them and ROCKING OUT HARD.
-----------------------------
Derek's 90's MP3's
a.k.a. 100.9 fm- modern rock, KROCK's playlist...(seriously, this was probably their whole play list for a couple years)

8 Stops 7- Question Everything.mp3
30 Seconds 2 Mars- Buddha for Mary.mp3
3 Doors Down- Kryptonite.mp3
Apartment- Backwards.mp3
Bare Jr.- You Blew Me Off.mp3
Black Rob- Like Whoa.mp3
Bouncing Souls- Ole!.mp3
Boy Hits Car- I'm A Cloud.mp3
Brian Setzer- Jump Jive and Wail.mp3
BuckCherry- Movies.mp3
Bowling For Soup- The Bitch Song.mp3
Cherry Poppin Daddies- Zoot Suit Riot.mp3
Custom- Hey Mr I Like Your Daughter.mp3
Dave Mathew's Band- Crash Into Me.mp3
Diffuser- Karma.mp3
Disturbed- Down With The Sickness.mp3
Eve 6- Inside Out.mp3
Flying Blind- Smokescreen.mp3
From Zero- Check Ya.mp3
Fuel- Innocent.mp3
Good Charlotte- The Little Things.mp3
Grade- The Inneficiency Of Emotion.mp3
Groove Armada- I See You Baby.mp3
Guano Apes- Lords Of The Boards.mp3
Harvey Danger- Flagpole Sitter.mp3
Hed- Bartender.mp3
Kid Rock- American Bad Ass.mp3
Lifehouse- Hanging By A Moment.mp3
Limp Bizkit- Rollin.mp3
Ludicris- Youz A Hoe.mp3
Marvelous 3- Get Over.mp3
Matthew Good Band- Hello Time Bomb.mp3
Moby Feat. Gwen Stefani- Southside.mp3
Monster Magnet- Space Lord.mp3
Nada Surf- Popular.mp3
Nine Days- Absolutely (Story Of A Girl).mp3
Nothingface- Bleeder.mp3
Old Dirty Bastard- Baby I Got Your Money.mp3
Papa Roach- Infest.mp3
POD- School Of Hard Knocks.mp3
Rehab- It Dont Matter.mp3
Ridel High- Winona Ryder.mp3
Saliva- Your Disease.mp3
Rob Zombie- Living Dead Girl.mp3
SR 71- Right Now.mp3
Stone Temple Pilots- Sour Girl .mp3
Stroke 9- Little Black Backpack.mp3
Sum 41- Fat Lip.mp3
The Hippos- Wasting My Life.mp3
The KGB- Demo Space Cadet.mp3
The Toadies- Possum Kingdom.mp3
The Urge- Too Much Stereo.mp3
Xzibit- X.mp3
Zebrahead- Playmate Of The Year.mp3

Chillittens- chinchilla mittens.

Alright, so since that last post I got kind of busy, traveled to NYC for work and stuff. So yeah, there hasn't been any word from Brenna's boss, so I'm pretty much just randomly applying for jobs for production companies that have websites. Hopefully by December 1st (our deadline to leave Buffalo, no matter what) I'll find something. In the meantime we're going to move into the place we had already signed a lease for, then come December I'll try and find someone to take it from us.

I'm actually a little too tired to really want to type this right now. NYC was fun and stuff. Looks like I'm BAV's new permanent camera guy...woo. The Las Vegas trip is comming up soon, that will be fun...hopefully. I'm going to try and find a job out there, I figure maybe if I can find one we could move there, and inch our way towards California ;)

I'm at a loss on ideas of other things to talk about. E3 was last week, XBox 360, PS3, and Nintendo Revolution all made their deput. I hope the PS3 packs what Sony says it's going to, it'd be nice to see them take Micro$oft down a notch.

Ok, I'm going to go play Psychonauts on XBox, it's a pretty amazing game. Raz.

Fuck-Nutz

Well, doesn't look like we're going to be moving next month :(

Brenna got a call today saying they were questioning her transfer, they know she does a great job but her numbers are too sporatic. They said to try again in a few months if she can keep her numbers steady (her numbers refer to the quality of her calls).

I talked to Brenna for a little bit on the phone and established that it seemed very odd that they oppted not to take her over a random new person that could possibly suck. Brenna was going to try talking to her old boss and new boss and see if they could do some convincing, considering the fact that Brenna fills in for them sometimes as a supervisor, and that she's always the counselor they have teach the new people. Perhaps if her two bosses talked to the hiring crew in San Diego about that stuff, plus the fact that Brenna could just get the boot if her performance wasn't steady IN San Diego (where they care), they might transfer her still.

Either way she can try again in 2 months if her numbers are steady (but we'd probably stay in Buffalo until early December).

I'll update if anything new comes of this. As of now the transfer is a no go, and our stay in Buffalo is prolonged yet once again. So far we're 0/2 on trying to leave this dump of a town. Third try's a charm? We'll see...

God I don't want to keep working at BAV...

'Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!

Edit: I just added "Carrie" to my links. Let me know if I'm forgetting yours anonymous reader!

I just beat Half Life 2. I'd say it was tied with Metal Gear Solid, for best game I've ever played. Mad props go out to Josh, Brenna's friend who helped make it, hopefully I can talk to him soon, I'd like to chat with him about it (last time I talked to him he couldn't talk about anything because it was in production).

Throughout the course of the game I'm pretty sure I developed a crush on Alyx, and her hoody...I mean...hoody.

'sirens sound off'
!!!!!!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

HEY KIDS! IT'S TIME FOR DEREK'S LIST OF CRUSHES!!!
-------------------------------

Alyson Hannigan
Eliza Dushku
Natalie Portman
Janeane Garofalo

and of course, Brenna
--------------------------------

still no word on Brenna's transfer, we were supposed to hear by last Friday...I guess west coast time is 3 days earlier, not 3 hours.





"IT GUNNA RAIN!"


You're A Face.

Today Brenna had her phone interview about her transfer to the Geico in Poway, CA (just north of San Diego). They said they'd let her know if she got it either today or tomorrow. Well...it wasn't today. Everyone cross your fingers for tomorrow...

------------------------
I don't know what's more nuts...weather or the weathermen. A few years ago here in New York City, we had a blizzard. 36 inches of snow. I guess you Midwesterners would call that a dusting. Well, our weatherman at the time, Al Roker, predicted we'd have 4 - 12 inches of snow. Well, giving him the benefit of the doubt, that stills leaves him 2 feet off. This was an emergency condition. Now if you were a roofer and you built a roof and it was 2 feet off, you'd still be serving time.

Now, what's meteorologist mean in English. It means liar. And what's the best job you can have in the world. It's being the weatherperson in San Diego, CA. It doesn't get any better than that. You're on TV for less than a minute. You've got a 6-figure income. They're like "What's the weather going to be like, Lewis?" "Nice....back to you."

-Lewis Black in Los Angeles

Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

Here's a thought for you:

"The Iron Idol"

Think about that for a minute, let the phrase stew around in your head.

Done? Ok. So it's my greatest idea ever, and I'm sure it will be done. Instead of having the same lame old American Idol competition every year, they mix it up a little. An "Idol" goes all the way until the end, beats out all the opponents and what-not, and then they have to face The Iron Idol. It'd be like, Whitney Houstan...or Barbara Streisand, and it would be spectacular.


Here's another thought for you:

Most animals are probably inbred. That's why they're so stupid.

I mean, think about it. Most mammals live in packs. There's the alpha male, alpha female, and they get it on. So they have little hairy whatevers, and the pack raises them. Then the pack humps them when they grow up. Then 2 of those children somehow become the alpha male and female again, and it starts all over. The cycle only involves the same pack over and over though. I'm pretty sure packs don't usually inter-mingle. So wouldn't this lead to some crazy inbreeding? Probably. Hence- animals are retarded.

Humans are also retarded, but let's not get into that 'cough cough Bush cough"


Here's another thought for you:

CrestTM is taking over your bathroom.

The other night I'm watching T.V. (same night I had the above ideas) and a Crest commercial comes on for a toothbrush they're making that dispenses it's own toothpaste.

Thank you almighty God. Once again by giving us free will we have proven how fucking stupid we are.

Was it EVER a hassle to get toothpaste from a tube to your toothbrush? I mean...this one....this one is just beyond me.

When are they going to make a hairspray dispensing brush? OH YEAH! THEY ALREADY DID IN THE 80's! AND IT SUCKED!!!

So I laugh at the commercial and ponder the type of people that would buy such a contraption, when all of the sudden another Crest commercial comes on. Crest alchohal free mouthwash- it doesn't burn like Listerine.

First off, if it doesn't burn how do I know it's working!

Second off....since when has there been a war raging between companys on who gets to take over my bathroom? Seriously. There is some head dude at Crest that is like "We need to take out Listerine. What do we got?" and some zit headed intern was like "How about mouthwash that doesn't burn!" and head dude said, "DAMNIT! THIS KIDS A GENIUS!"

People waste their liiiiiiiiiiiives on stuff like this. There's people volunteering their lives to help bring clean water to 3rd world counties, and we have head dude at Crest trying to take over our bathrooms.

I guess the only thing left to say, to wrap this up, is- some countries have people getting sick and possibly dying from salt deficiencies, we sprinkle it out of a jar on almost anything we can.

----------------------------

Konichi wa, Mitsubishi, Kamikazee, Wasabi, Sony, Kristi Yamaguchi, Donkey Kong, Kawasaki, Rice-a-Roni, Sushi, Kathie Lee, Tsunami, Karate, Cheech and Chong, Nintendo, Mojo Jojo, Tae Kwan Do, Quasi Moto, Pokemon, Yoko Ono, Ichiro, Gung Ho, Kikoman, Hibachi, Origami, Mr. Kobayashi, Ceiling fan, Atari, Teriyaki, Wang Chung, Chop suey, Goo goo g’joob, Tofu, Haiku, Fubu, Fu man cho, Kajagoogoo, Kung Fu, Vera Wang, Honda, Yoda, Abe Vigoda, Toshiba, Sega, Kama Sutra, Godzilla, Poon tang, Domo arigato Mr. Roboto.

"Happy Fun Song"- Sojh

Mr. Kobayashi

I heard this song a while ago on XM's unsigned artist channel, you should listen to it and enjoy the amazing flash video.

So I went to my eye doctor today. We talked about eyes.

This makes me think about that old commercial on TV that quotes, "Nobody says 'I want to be a drug dealer when I grow up.'" Coincidentally, I don't think anyone says "I want to be an eye doctor when I grow up."

Someone's gotta' do it.

So yeah, he tried to convince me that basically, my contacts suck. They are strangling my eyes, and down the road I'll probably be blind. At least I'm not wearing glasses though, he made them out to be worse than Leviathon...soul too dark for the abyss, aborted son of Hell's six hundred and sixty-six wombs. (I'd pay money to see him duke it out with the guy that makes glasses there. I bet they slash each-other's tires every day...) I guess glasses strain your eyes, because you end up focusing to hard when you look outside the edges. Contacts on the other hand don't do that. I wasn't about to mention to him that perhaps contacts make people's eyes get too lazy, therefore making them go weaker and out of focus even more-so.

Let's not even get into the discussion we had about LasekTM laser eye surgery.

So he gave me free trials for contacts (O2ptics) that are 68% water and made of silicone, as opposed to my present ones (Optimum FW) that are 36% water and made of the damned souls that never made it to Hell's gate (wich, apparently, makes a material that tends to stick to itself when folded in half). Now I'm supposed to use these news ones for two weeks, then go back and let him know if I want to switch or stay with what I have.

Here's a question for you: guess which one is more expensive. I bet you'll never guess 'sarcasm'.

So as if these conversations weren't strange enough, imagine what it'd be like to be in a creepy old optomitrist chair from the 70's, talking to a contact lense specialist who's acting more like a used car salesman, and then suddenly the lights go out.

Your both sitting there in the pitch black dark.

Silence.

It's ashame he didn't specialize in DependsTM, he probably could have sold me on some at that moment.

After a few nice long awkward moments the voice of an unseen asshole says, "Oops! Let me turn that back on for you."

Thanks.

------------------------------

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking
I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down.
Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time you don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running through fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever.
How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools.
Build the kids’ self-esteem,
make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem,
who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk daddys missing a lot of dance recitals
before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears,
where does that leave me on a Friday
with my new high speed connection?

CHORUS:
baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song,
sing for me,c'mon now sing, baby sing sing sing, sing your song,
sing to me, sing a song

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these uh these terrorists masterminds
that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe
what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack.
Then you get on bus and you blow yourself up.”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don’t I put…”
“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity, obesity.
They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio.
Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny,
there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

Nobody knows why were getting fatter
Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there for I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to
make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized.
Want biggie fries with that?, want a jumbo fries with that?, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker.
There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that?
It’s only three more cents.

CHORUS:
sing, sing, sing, sing your song,
sing for me,c'mon now sing, sing sing sing, sing your song,
sing to me, sing a song

Sometimes you have to suffer a little in your youth
to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school,
do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time stuffed in your own locker with your underwear
wedged up your ass before you start thinkin
“I’m going to take of the world with computers! you'll see, I’ll show them.”

We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then
I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys.
Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
He's gonna waste the money.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit.
Take a little run to the store for a throw-rug and a cd rack.
He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says,
"Why don’t you go get a job you bum?"
People always say that to homeless guys "get a job" like it's always that easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants.
I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has an
“underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it very strictly,
but technically I’m sure it is in the books.

CHORUS:
baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song,
sing for me,c'mon now sing, sing sing sing, sing your song,
sing to me, sing a song

"Underwear Goes Inside The Pants"

by Lazyboy

It's name is "Nipon" not "Japan"

So now that we're probably moving to San Diego I was weighing out the pros and cons of moving to California. I'd have to say the best pro was "My new governor was the Terminator." Yeah, try and beat that NY.
-----------------------------
You! Ha! Get up!
You! Ha! Get up!

Hashitta, magatta, sokorajuu kakemegutte mita
Mawashita, mawatta, teatari shidai ni korogashita
Kuttsugeta, kumikonda, ironna mono o get shita
Sakete mita, nigete mita, ikioi amatte tonde mita
Oshite mita, hiite mita, chikara o kagiri nagete mita
Butsukatta, hajikareta, monosugoi shogeki ga hashitta

[Goal wa hate shinaku toukatta, susumu koto o tomenakatta
Itsumade mo korogashi tsuzuketa, hito toshite okiku seichou shita
Iroiro na koto ni ki ga tsuita, minna ga hitotsu ni natta
Egao ga machi ni afure, kudaranai akui ga kage o hisometa]

*Check it up, funk it up, minna damatte ore ni tsuite koi, yeah
Check it up, funk it up, minna hisshi de ore ni tsuite koi, come on

*repeat x 3

Uchimaketa, hekotareta, chikara nasa ni zetsubou kanjita
Sunete mita, ochikonda, kuyashiku natte to koto n naite mita
Kangaeta, nekoronda, sora mite ochitsuki o torimodoshita
Nagameteta, me ni ireta, sora ni ukabu tsuki ga mabushikatta
Dekaku shita, hagunda, ooki na kirei na hoshi ni shita
Ganbatta, doryoku shita, arittake no chikara o dashikitta

[Kikikan o kanjit tachiagaru, kokoro no kabe o toriharai
Jiyuu na mind to afureru soul, spirit o kokoro ni yodoshita
Chikara o awasete ganbareru, minna de hitotsu no koto o nashi togeru tameni
Otagai o hometataeta, ima made yori hitomawari okiku natta]

Negative na wadai o kuchi suru na
Tsurakute mo susumu koto o yamerun ja nai
Peace na vibration de arc o egaki
Kono earth ni makenai object o tsukure

*repeat x 4

TRANSLATED

ou! Ha! Get up!
You! Ha! Get up!

I ran, I swerved, I raced everywhere
I turned, it spun, I rolled it all around
I put it together, I stuffed it up, I picked up many things
I ducked, I dodged, I flew with all my might
Tried pushing, tried pulling, tried throwing it away
Got hit, shoved aside, and just missed a big crash

[Goal was nowhere in sight, but I couldn't stop moving
Kept rolling along, and grew up as a man
Realized lots of things, the world became as one
City was so full of smiles, I hid my stupid spite in the shadows]

Check it up, funk it up, all of you shut up and follow me, yeah
Check it up, funk it up, put your life on the line and just come with me, come on

*repeat x 3

I was beaten down, I lost heart, I despaired at my lack of power
Tried sulking, tried pouting, cried my eyes out with regrets
I mulled it over, threw myself on the ground, then looked at the sky and regained my composure
I stared up, and what entered my eye was the moon in the sky, dazzling and radiant
I made it huge, I raised it up, I turned it into a big, beautiful star
I tried hard, put in all my effort, used up every last ounce of my strength

[Sensing crisis, I stood up and cleared away the barriers inside me
I've got the soul of a free mind, and my heart carries my spirit
We'll persevere if we combine our powers
To see one thing through to the end, we all cheered each other on
And made it bigger than ever before]

Don't be negative now
It may be hard but there's no stopping
We're drawing an arc with peace vibrations
So make something to get the world's attention

*repeat x 4

-Katamari Damacy

BACON!

There's a pothole outside our apartment that has to be the biggest pothole in America. People actually get out of their cars and take pictures of it. It's HILARIOUS when people hit it, 'THUB BUMP!'

suckas.

I just made a whole pack of bacon. I dumped all the grease down the toilet and the sink drains. Take that fuckin landlord. I hope you break your face trying to fix the clogged pipes.

Brenna and I are trying to find a loft apartment in Oceanview, CA. Lofts are so freggin' cool.

I just traded in all the controllers I found at work for Katamari Domacy, and had mystery credit on my account so I bought Metal Gear Ac!d for my PSP. Yeah...for some reason Metal Gear is a series I feel I must own every game of. I love you Hideo Kojima. If you were a hot asian chick I'd probably want to do you.

I love you Brenna. Ignore what I just said ;)

I also got a ton of paper towels at Target. I made all that bacon and didn't have paper towels to lay it on. There's no way you can imagine how much grease is on the bacon. I mean...it's Hormel bacon...picture...a pan of grease....with a dead lady bug in it. Yeah. The lady bug represents the bacon. Cruncy. Specky. Kinda red. Kinda black. Now picture a plate of lady bugs...that are greasy. That's exactly what I had to deal with. But now it's bacon. Because I wiped the grease off. But either way I'm still leaning on the creation of nano-bots that will clean my arteries in the future. There's nooooooo freggin' way my arteries are going to make it without those nano-bots...

On my way to trade in those controllers I did a lot of thinking in my car. Thinking about this blog.

Kate's blog has this written in it:
". here's a good picture of all the spam ads on their wall. it so happens that derek's screen name is also a devotion to spam. i remember his old posts on the forum and how he seemed like a really nerdy freak, but then i met him in real life, and he's really only nuts on the inside of his head."

way to hit the nail on the head. It's amazing. I've had my blog going for a few days, and already I feel 20x more emo (much like the old days), 30x more reminiscent of the good ol' days, and 40x more stressed that I need to update my blog of every freggin' detail of my life.

I wouldn't be surprised if this blog thing was limited edition. It's tough man. My mind works in crazy, unlucky, un-efficient, and mysterious ways...

Poop Sprinkles

So the other day I went into work and the first thing I did was destroy database tapes with a sledge hammer. Today I went into work and smashed down a wall with a sledge hammer.

Pretty soon I think I'm just going to become a professional sledger.

So yeah. All day at work we moved shit around, and I was given my own office. It contains 2 huge flat screen monitors and a huge fucking chair. It also hold the server and telephone computer, as well as all the laptops we own. It's my geek sanctuary.

Unfortunetly it's also cursed. For some reason the whiteness of the walls tends to drive people crazy, and soon after they quit. It started with old man Burton. Ron (Burton) used that office for 15 years, but eventually it drove him so fucking insane he quit a month or two ago. Seriously. It made him paranoid and live alone with no wife. Now when he sees strange cars in the parking lot he calls the cops and assumes that they are stolen cars dropped off in our parking lot. And if he travels with a truck (bigger than a moving truck) full of A/V equipment, and has to stop at a restaurant, he has to have a seat near a window so he can see the truck. He's afraid someone will steal it, or the stuff inside it.

But when he left it was given to Geoff. Now we call him Geoff Burton. But Geoff was driven insane a couple weeks ago, and now he's leaving. So now the office is mine. Now I'm Derek Geoff Burton. Yeah...I inherited the work of 3 men...and got no raise. Hence wanting to leave to San Diego.

On the bright side our secretary gave me a note (with some money the company owed me for parking and gas expenses) that reads "Hey Derek, You've been one of my favorites from the first day I met you! See you soon, -Andrea"

I guess if I was 45-50 and alone I'd hit that shit.

Seriously though, that note made me feel so happy. I hugged her when I saw her today. A while ago she told me that I remind her of her son (he's my age now I guess), so I kinda feel like her surrogate child. Yeah...this is all normal at BAVServices.

Poker night was fun the other night. Ron, Carrie, Jon, Andrea, Ben, Ashely, Matt, Becker, Kate, OP, Brenna and I played. I kicked everyone's ass so bad. So bad. But I still didn't win. Brenn a won. But then after mostly everyone left, a few of us played another game for a grand prize of $5 (as opposed to $60) and I won. So...I'm not a loser? Well...that's not what everyone might say...

Kate's site has pictures of poker night, check them out.

So yeah, the point I've been working up to, but is hard to create a transition into, is what I've been up to the last two years. I was going to type it story style, but I'm making bacon...and somehow that's more important. So here's the list that I'm making of the events that took place in the last two years. Watch out! It's intense.

-I still love bacon....and meat.
-I still hate the french
-Say10 (the black guinea pig) passed away.
-Brenna moved into Amherst. Yay!
-I purchased Chester, a grey/dusty chinchilla. He's badass and doesn't like people. Ron and I constructed a cage for him out of 2x4's and chicken wire, with nothing but our hands, some wood staples, and a hammer. It was manly.
-Semester ended
-Got a job at Target for the summer. Holy shit that place sucked. But people liked the spikey hair.
-I purchased an Xbox and modded the hell out of it.
-Got job at Game Crazy (video game store)
-Senior year holy crap I feel old. I freak out all the time with miny panic attacks, worrying about how old I'm getting
-School was getting tough (2 semesters of over 30 credit hours each, and a job at Game Crazy and internship at Squeaky Wheel (media production rental/workshop place) made time and sleep non-exsistent factors of my life).
-Brenna's beta fish (x-mas present from my parents) froze to death. Got revived. Then a few days later froze to death again, for good. Mine was still ok though (cause it was in Hadley (apartment on campus))
-I hit a deer doing 70+ m.p.h. on the highway (first animal ever hit, first accident ever) and somehow only damage my driver-side headlight
-Brenna and I had very large relationship problems.
-Over time Brenna and I worked them out and are very happy together.
-I graduated school. It was a lot of work. A LOT of work. But it was fun and Ron and I made some kick-ass videos.
-Moved in with Brenna at her apartment in Amherst (to find out she was in debt, and shit. But I finally have her spending money the right way, so it all worked out)
-Grilled outside a lot and had fun at Wegman's right next to us
-The night after graduation the news ran a story specifically on my family. Emphasising that I graduated, but my grandmother had cancer and my sister was in Australia, and my parents were moving to Charlotte, NC.
-My sister came home from study abroad in Australia, to find out my parents were going to be moving and that my grandmother had cancer. The day after Danielle got home our dog (neufundland) Wookie was put to sleep. Welcome home.
-My parents moved to Charlotte because the Carrier plant in Syracuse my dad worked at was closing.
-Couch outside apartment is stolen by my landlord for not being "tactical." Yeah...he's Indian...is that an excuse?
-I get a job at a gas station (night shift) and after one night full of co-workers snorting cocaine and people buying beer and lotto tickets- driving away drinking, I come home knowing I got the worst job I could ever imagine after just graduating. That afternoon I quit, making it the only job I worked for, for 1 day. And the only job I didn't work for, for more than 3 months.
-Brenna and I plan on moving to L.A. (even though she just got a job at GEICO)
-After a summer of playing video games (beat MANY games) with Eli and many BBQ's with the gang, I landed a job at BAV (Buffalo Audio Visual).
-They gave me a cell phone and traveled me around (almost half the states) to do what I learned in school, it was the awesomest job out of college ever. I was jealous of myself.
-Money makin' money money makin' SUPER DISCO disco shakin' lots of fun traveling, but I really miss home while I'm gone. Comming back always sucks because I feel out of place.
-I purchase GEICO car insurance and save myself up to 15%. Also consolidated my student loans and started paying those off. Wow, why would you possibly care about that?
-Brenna and I moved into downtown Buffalo, a suburb of L.A., just in western NY.
-I create raft (out of scrap wood and bottles and carpet) that no one thinks will float, BUT IT DID!!!
-Brenna and I purchase XM satellite raido (best thing ever) and Netflix movies (mailed too us, then copied to a dvd and mailed back)
-Buffalo fucking sucks when winter rolls around
-Derek goes un-employed for 3 months due to lack of work. Ends up getting screwed over by the unemployment office and hardly recieves any pay. Damn the system. Damn the man.
-Our apartment is cold as a witches tit in a brass bra, pipes start to freeze, then the toilet and bath tub. Leaky ceiling and falling objects become a norm for where we live. Relationship with landlord is comparable to that of a king cobra and a mongoose.
-My Beta fish ("The Nameless One") dies after almost two years of us hardly having to feed him. (It had some weird symbiotic relationship with the water lily and snail that were in that glass vase)
-"Poker Night" is created. Fun is abound.
-Mc Chris comes to Buffalo (you can download most of his songs from his site)
-I shaved my head (byebye hair!)
-Work finally gets a little better
-I purchase first computer ever (I've always made mine), an Alienware Aurora (woo!)
-Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater is released.
-Tristan's (very good friend from Cazenovia (home) during high school) father passes away. I attend first funeral ever. It helped that Steve Googan, Chris, Brandon, and Zach were there.
-Grandmother gets very sick, and after many weeks of hearing she is going to pass away, she finally passed away. First person related to me, friend or family, EVER that has died. Situation not taken lightly.
-Work stops again. Anger ensues.
-Work starts again.
-I purchase a Sony PSP due to the orgasmic screen and value it has during my travels.
-Brenna and I decide to sign a lease for the bottom part of a house a guy I work with (Tony) needs to move out of. Great great price for a great great place.
-We then decide to move to San Diego. But Ron D. said he'd take the house (Tony's) from us, so that's a good thing

If you can think of something that should be added to this list, PLEASE let me know!!! It's more for me, something to look back on.

There Jon and Kate, how's that for a FUCKING UPDATE!!! I HOPE YOUR EYES BLEED TO DEATH TRYING TO READ ALL THIS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

I'm gonna go trade in a bunch of PS1 controllers I found at work today for Katamari Domacy (great game on PS2).

Oh yeah, there was a toga party the other night...maybe Ron will give me pictures of it.

edit: added raft creation to list