Oh deer...
Ugh. I fell WAY too far behind on this whole Blog thing.
Saturday 11th
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Slept in, then played Gears of War for a while. It's getting pretty bad, I either play Gears of War until my mind goes numb, or I play Guitar Hero until my eyes/hands go numb. In both cases I show complete disregard for my bodies hunger or desire to deficate.
On the bright side, at least there aren't any other good games comming out for a while.
In the afternoon I followed Don to his friend's house where we shot a Doritos spec commercial. Don brought on a new creb member, Erial, who was definately on the cooler side of the spectrum of girls I've met.
The commercial is basically a guy that is alone at a party. Everyone is drunk and making noise, and some random guy decides to pop a chip bag. All of the sudden everyone is popping the bags when the "loner" decides he wants to fit in. So he grabs a Doritos bag, pops it, and everyone glares at him (apparently "You don't FUCK with Doritos" is the ad campaign?). So he gets booted from the party...but he takes a bag of Doritos with him.
Afterwards I hung out with (cool) Jenn for a while, thanks to the power of RockStar energy drinks. I've never dranken a single one in my life, until Erial suggested them when we were working on the Doritos video (and I haven't dranken any since...), that shit is like CRACK.
So yeah, I introduced Guitar Hero 2 and Katamari Damacy to Jenn. She seemed to dig the latter of the two.
Sunday 12th
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Jenn (cool) called me to tell me she bought a PS2 and a copy of Katamari. I'm successfully recruiting video gamers one by one...
Don and I also beat Gears of War. It was pretty fucking Epic.
Monday 13th
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Kai is comming in one week. It's going to RAWK.
Tuesday 14th
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My parents officially own land in Montana now :) I'm happy for them. Now they just need to retire, sell their house in Nelson, and somehow convince my sister and I that helping them build a house is a good idea...
Unless building a house is like building a computer...in which case...I'm the geek they're looking for.
I think talking to Erial at 10:30am on AIM might become a daily event. So far so good.
I also talked to (not cool) Jen a lot at work today (Today, the day I'm typing this, we established that it's nice to talk to each other because it's the most shallow meaningless banter that could possibly come out of two human's mouths. Life is more fun when you don't have to think?).
Don got laid off today...that was kind of OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!!! But I guess without getting too into it, it's probably for the better. He's too smart/talented to be wasting his time behind a desk.
Don and I met with Danny after work to go over details of a short we're going to be shooting for him. We went to scope out the location, a giant office skyscraper, in Century City. The office seemed like a good amount of area to work with, and the halls were lined with old antiques such as unicycles...and...carousel horses....
Somehow we ended up meeting a magician by the name of "Fig" (which KINDA explained the weird-ass shit in the hallway) in one of the offices. Apparently he's one of California's best lawyers...and damn good at magic tricks.
And creepy. In a "Ernest" (Ernest Goest to Camp, Ernest Saves Xmas) meets "House of a Thousand Corpses" kind of way.
'shrug'
There's just something creepy to me about an old man with a deck of Hello Kitty cards in his pockets at all times...
After that odd little location scout/trip we went to a pretty kick-ass little thai restaraunt on Sunset, followed with a live rehearsal of the script in a rentable theater space BELOW the thai restaurant.
I just spelled restaurant two different ways because I'm not entirely sure I was spelling it right.
Thursday 16th
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Went to shoot some apartment interior scenes for the short we're working on for Danny. While we waiting outside of the apartment I noticed a girl walking towards us (in the dark) that looked kind of gutter punk-ish.
I don't like to look at people, mainly because I don't like when they look at me, so I shifted my attention elsewhere and thought about how she reminded me of Anthony's girlfriend...and that whole wacky night.
Low and behold, she walks by, stops, and says, "Hey! I know you!"
By God it was Jasmine. Anthony's girlfriend.
So we talked for a while, then I talked to Anthony when he called her on her cell phone, then her and I talked some more.
Haaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwkwarrrrd!!!
The first night of video shooting went pretty well? <--notice the question mark.
The main actor seems like he's going to be a handfull. Here's an example of what we'll be dealing with OFTEN:
Danny: "Ok, so you're going to pick up the razor, dip it in water, and pretend to shave your face."
Actor: "Ok."
Derek: "Rolling."
Danny: "Action."
Actor: "Wait. You want me to pick up the razor first?"
Danny: "Yes, then dip it in water, then pretend to shave."
Actor: "But do it slowly right?"
Danny: "Right."
Actor: "Ok."
Danny: "Alright, just go for it." A
ctor: "Are we still rolling?"
Derek: "Yes."
Actor: "Ok." 'lifts razor', 'shaves face'
Danny: "No, you have to wet the razor first."
Actor: "Oh! Ok....wait. So pick up the razor, wet it, THEN shave?"
Danny: "Yes...have you ever shaved before?"
Derek: "Alright, I'm cutting."
Danny: "Ok, everyone ready?"
Derek: "Rolling."
Danny: "Action."
Actor: "Wait, are we rolling?"
I shit you not, this went on for almost an hour. From what Don told me, earlier in the day (when they were doing exterior shots) they were directing him down a sidewalk for some footage, and asked him to turn right. He proceeded to say, "I can't."
This left Danny and Don stumped as to how a human can physically NOT turn right when told to do so...
Saturday 18th
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Picked Kai up at the airport at 11ish. Drove him back to the apartment to drop off his stuff (which included gifts of BBQ sauce!), grabbed Don, and adventured into the unknown in search of BBQ.
Veni. Vidi. Vici.
Then we zipped over to Century City to work on the shoot. Worked on that from about 3:00-9:00, then Danny gave us $60 to buy beer with. Instead we went to Ralph's and bought $60 worth of BBQ-able meats and condiments.
What else did you expect?
Sunday 19th
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Shot the video from 9:00am to 10:00 pm. Danny is SO lucky it included various amazingly cute and/or hot women because working with the main actor never got any better. JESUS CHRIST did that get old fast...
Monday 20th
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Finally I got to take Kai out on a full tour of the Los Angeles area. We picked up Don and Matt, and started off by driving to middle of bum-fuck nowhere San Pedro. I always end up going there when I try to get to Long Beach without directions...
After getting our bearings straight, we went to Long Beach and ate at "Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles."
My God I missed that place.
Then I drove them around where I used to live, then into Belmont Shore, down to the Seal Beach area, and then headed back up to Santa Monica pier. We drank beer at some british pub, and then drove back to the Hollywood area.
'clears throat'
YEAH HOBART STREET!!! (it was a sidestreet I kept trying to take as far as I could)
A major highlight was when I ran through a red light and then two flashes went off. UH OH! It was cameras taking pictures of my license plates :(
Everyone was all "OOOooooh shit! That sucks!"
But then I was all, "HA BITCHES! MY CAR DOESN'T HAVE PLATES ON IT!" (cause I was still using a temporary registration)
Then everyone cheered like it was the fucking end of World War III.
Tuesday 21st
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Left my apartment at about 4:30am to go catch my plane to Detroit. It was sad to say goodbye to Kai, but I'll see him in NYC in a few weeks, so it wasn't too sad.
So there I was.
4:30 am.
I rolled my suitcase down the middle of the street.
Not a car for miles, and only yellow street lights to guide my way.
The moon, she was full.
Fog was rolling in from the sea.
Another vagabond sets off.
'snaps fingers'
I'm so fucking beatnik YOU can't handle it ;)
So I got to the airport about an hour before my flight, nothing too unusual. Except there were four hundred thousand million bajillion people there!!!
Apparently American Airlines booked too many people/flights at 7:25am and they couldn't check bags fast enough to keep up with the flow. Soooo ultimately a lot of people, including me, didn't make their 7:25am flights in time.
Eventually I got up to the check-in counter, around 8:00am, and the woman asked when my flight departs. "About 45 minutes ago."
So she spent about 20 minutes typing a ton of stuff into her computer, randomly making comments about how "This time of the year is always the worst," and "Finding a flight from L.A. to Detroit is always the hardest."
Not too encouraging.
ESPECIALLY when her co-worker asked her if she needed a hand and she responded, "Nah, just working on a flight to Detroit." and the co-worker's eyes got all big as she said "OH MAN! Good luck honey!"
Thanks.
After a few more minutes she looked up at me and said, "Well, the bad news is- the best flight I could find you departs at 11:00am and arrives at Detroit at 11:00pm. The good news is your flight from L.A. to Miami is on a really nice plane!"
Thanks.
So eventually I did get to Detroit, around midnight instead of the planned 4:00pm. But the fun didn't stop there.
OH NO. The fun NEVER stops for Derek.
My family showed up (a little late) to shower me with hugs and kisses, but I was totally not in the moment. The whole time I was waiting for them, I was staring at the conveyer belt that was supposed to deliver me my luggage.
It never came.
After a good solid day of calling airlines it was discovered that my luggage was accidentally sent to Texas. I was told they were going to send it out to me that night, but that actually turned into THREE days later.
See, the only way it could get to the area I was in was if they flew it to me through Northwest, and once they handed the luggage over to Northwest, they considered their hands clean. But Northwest also couldn't track it, because it wasn't considered part of their luggage.
Basically no one, neither American Airlines nor Northwest, knew where my baggage was after it left Texas.
The reason this was important was that my father's Birthday presents were inside said luggage. See, the goal was to HAVE his present...on his Birthday! I know, I know. CRAZY.
So the night before his Birthday (Thanksgiving) a driver from Northwest called saying he had the luggage and was trying to find my sister's apartment- but we were at her boyfriend's families house. So my sisters boyfriend, Justin, and I, decided to meet the driver in the middle of nowhere (more-so than we already were).
We drive out into the black night, about 5 miles or so.
There's a sedan on the side of the road with it's headlights on.
We pull up near it, a guy gets out and nods to us.
We nod back.
He pops his trunk and pulls out a mid-sized black bag.
Good.
He's got the stuff.
I shake his hand, and he hands me the bag.
I set it on the ground and check the contents inside.
It's legit.
I put the bag in our trunk, and shake his hand again.
The deed is done.
So that whole ordeal aside, I was super happy to see my parents and sister, and I got to meet Justin's family. They were awesome. They took me hunting :) The following was the result:
I named her Bessie.
I guess before you get any further you should be warned...Derek gets a little camera happy when a dead deer is involved.
Justin's family seemed shocked at my lack of squeemishness...what can I say. Video games and Rock n Roll music have made me a sadastic son-of-a-bitch.
So if you don't like blood and guts I suggest you don't read the rest of this pile of crap I call my blog.
If you do like blood, guts and dead forest creatures- prepare for...
!!!DEREK'S DEER SLAUGHTER EXTRAVAGANZA!!!
First ya gotta seperate all that pesky skin and fur to the side so you can get to the precious gut cavity...
Then you gotta cut the ol' windpipes and mucussy layer that holds the gut sack in...
Which lets you slop all that junk out in one TIDY little package...
But don't forget...
To cut the anus tube! Otherwise the guts will just dump out in one pile...
Once all of that is disconnected, it's time to sift for gold...
RED gold that is! Texas Tea!...THE HEART...
Then it's time to drag her home and take a picture! Don't forget kids! The neck of a dead deer is like a bendy straw! Just crank it in ANY position you want!...
Don't blink Bessie!...
CHOMP! I'm gonna EAT CHYA!...
But first we have to break your front legs...
So we can cut them off with a knife and get ready to skin ya!...
Don't let them legs go to waste kids!...
A photo that's SCREAMING "Derek's Xmas Cards this year"...
Time for a couple more incissions here...
And here...
Now it's time to hang her from a winch!...
Start to raise her up...
Look Ma! Reindeers really can fly!...
Bessie says, "This is fun!"...
Fuck plastic bags floating in the wind, THIS is art!...
Nice composition Bessie, and great usuage of the "thirds" rule...
Once we power up the ol' winch and anchor down the fur, the skin literally just peels off like a jacket...
A delicious meat jacket...
Sometimes it helps if you put a rock under the skin to tie the anchor/rope around. But you can only use the designated rocks, not just ANY rock...
BESSIE! Real women know to cross their legs!...
So now that most of the fur and skin is peeled off, we can lower her down again...
It's like she's her OWN pillow...
Hmmmm now what do we do?...
OH YEAH! We need to cut off that pesky head...
WITH A CHAINSAW!!!!!!!...
VVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOMMMMMMM!!!!...
It just comes of like...like butta'...
Oh Bessie! You lil lass!...
You're so cute I just wanna throw this knife in ya!...
Dinner is served.
And that's that! I hope you enjoyed the update. I know Bessie and I did!
edit:
I meant to mention some parts about the airline such as:
their ridiculous offer to reimburse me $50 to buy clothes while I waited for my luggage to appear
the ancient chinese man that sat next to me on my flight from L.A. to Miami who went to the bathroom every 5 minutes. it TOOK him 5 minutes just to sit down when he came back, because he was so brittle. So he'd sit down, then get right back up to go again.
at some point he decided it would be a good idea to order a beer. A BEER! so he spilled half of it on me, ordered another, chugged it...and then i went to sleep so i wouldn't have to watch the result of that poor choice, only to wake up to the smell of piss right next to me.
i'll take crying baby over old man peeing himself, ANY DAY.
then when i got off of that flight, my plane from Miami to Detroit departed NEGATIVE 5 minutes ago. so when i got to the right terminal and gate they had to unlock the door to let me on the plane.
everyone was scowling at me because i was the douche bag that held the flight up. as i made my way to my seat i noticed that i had a whole row to myself.
way to be the jerk derek.
posted by XIII @ 18:01
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